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Sunday, March 29, 2009

A Pensive Sunday

Today I had some time in church to sit and think about life, family, friends, the gospel, etc. I don't spend enough time being pensive and reflecting on my decisions, experiences and traits. Adam was sustained as the Assistant Ward Clerk today, so he's still at church and I have some down time to get some thoughts out of my head. There will be some good and bad things so read at your own risk:)
Blessings-
Adam:
He is perfectly tailored to compliment my weaknesses and I'm so grateful to have him with me everyday! I know that he loves me and would do anything to make me happy! He also respects and appreciates me and I am deeply grateful for that.
Teaching:
I have learned a lot about myself during my student teaching. I have had to stretch farther than ever to really get my students learning. I realize that I really like to be in control of my situation and that I need to learn to let go of that control at times.
Family:
The past couple of years have been hard, really hard. I miss my mom everyday and wish I had the power to part the veil and talk to her but I do know that we are both where we should be. I have been blessed to feel an increased need to rely on the Savior more and that in turn has decreased my desire to do everything on my own. I have never felt such intense grief and loss but I have also never known more than I know now that the only real healing comes from taking it all to the Savior. "I Feel My Savior's Love" describes my feelings on this topic perfectly.
Friends:
No matter how far away (Norway, SLC) or close (down the street) they live I do have friends that I can rely on. They love and support me while still helping me to become a better person.
New Family:
When we first got engaged I wasn't sure if I would fit in with Adam's family but they have become my own! I love going to Evanston to spend the weekend and I feel "at home" while I'm there. My mother-in-law has really gone out of her way to do things for me that my mom would have done. I am so grateful for that and feel so blessed to have her in my life.

Weaknesses-
I still have a hard time remembering to read my scriptures everyday and pray in the mornings.
I'm not as accepting of new things in my life as I should be.
I jump to conclusions way to soon.
I don't go to the temple every month and I miss that.
I usually only clean on Saturdays so the house can get pretty messy by Friday.
I swear in my head more often than I like.
I bottle up my emotions and let them come to a boil too often.
If something has been on my mind I will talk about it to anyone that will listen and I need to be more picky about what I say (even if I am just venting).
I get scared about having kids.
I don't appreciate Adam verbally as much as I should.
I plan too far ahead and then get frustrated if something changes:)

Goals-
Go to the temple on the first Saturday of every month.
Do something that I'm not comfortable with once a day.
Be more prudent about what I share with others.
Write in my journal at least 2 times a week.
Tell Adam the reasons why I appreciate him.
Tell other people why I appreciate Adam.
Let go of the control factor.
Give others the benefit of the doubt.

3 comments:

Pauly said...

That was a great post, thanks for sharing. I am afraid of what might come to my head if I were to really stop and meditate.

Carlie: said...

Miss you Jamie! Thanks for your post - reminds me of how important it is to be reflective about our everyday actions! I'm so glad you are loving teaching...and life! :)

The Brannon Family said...

I think it is always good to take time out and be "pensive"! You have been so busy and successful with your student teaching, I bet it is nice to have a little down time!

You are doing great and I am so proud of you finishing school! I was suppose to be graduating with you at this time, what happened? You have worked hard and it is paying off!

Love ya!