Wednesday, December 23, 2009

I'm a fixer...

Just a little epiphany I had today (I guess that's the teacher in me).

I'm a fixer, always have been and always will be. If something is broken I feel the need to fix it. It's like this innate urge that I have a hard time suppressing. I guess it's a good thing to like to fix things but it can also cause a lot of frustration. Ever since I was little I felt like it was my job to make things all better. When Briana died, I felt like I had to fix it so that my family wasn't sad anymore. When my companions and I were struggling with the work in Spain, I felt the need to fix it and make it all better. When my mom died, I felt like I needed to fix the pain and grief that my family was going through again. Still today, when I get frustrated because I can't fix everything, I feel the need to fix myself ( if that makes any sense). This habit, I guess you could call it that, has been a friend and a foe to me over the years.
But over the last month things happened to change how I feel about "fixing" things and it has helped me find a happy medium. A little over a year ago I had a friendship "broken" and I tried for over a year to "fix" it, with no luck. It remained broken and I got even more frustrated because I couldn't fix it. Yet, through that experience I learned that you can't fix everything, no matter how hard you try or what you do. I'm grateful for the experience because it has helped me to let go of the things I can't fix and not focus on them so much:) I know that in the future I will still find things that I "need" to fix but I now feel more confident to let the unimportant "fixings" go because some things in life are going to remain broken and that is okay. The things I can't fix have been covered by the Savior. I love the Christmas season because it helps remind me that my Savior is the master fixer and that I really need to leave more things at his feet rather than hold on to them just because I'm determined to do it by myself. I know that he is there for the big and little things. He is my Lord, Savior and Redeemer and I'm grateful to celebrate his birth. Merry Christmas and here's to a wonderful new year!

Monday, December 7, 2009

We are white trash.... here's the proof.

These decorations were just taken down a week before Thanksgiving. We are white trash but at least our door doesn't face the street!